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Dealing with Difficult People-May 9, 2022

We all have to deal with difficult people in our lives from time to time. Here are some thoughts on the best way to do that.

Monday Morning Devotion-May 9, 2022

 

Dealing with Difficult People

 

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs of anger.    Proverbs 15:1

 

            I’m repeating this devotion from January 28, 2019, because I think there is solid advice in it for us all.  Of course, if you don’t ever have to deal with difficult people you are very blessed. But just in case that changes maybe you should go ahead and read this one anyway:

 

            How should we deal with those hard-to-get-along-with, difficult people that come into our lives?

            That's a good question and maybe there is not one good answer.  Proverbs 15:1 probably comes as close to being a universal answer to that difficult question as there is.  But, first read this brief story from Pastor/Author Joyce Meyer and then I have another question for you to consider.

            Meyer writes: "I once gave a talk about difficult people that I thought was terrific.  That is until I found out that someone I knew quite well and worked with closely told another friend about who his difficult person was. 

            It was me!

            I wanted to run and hide when I heard that.  He was not a casual acquaintance either, and I realized that I had been speaking and behaving in ways that were painful and life-draining to someone quite close to me.  Our conversations often left him feeling that he was just an audience.  He got a clear signal that I regarded my opinions as more accurate and important than his.  All this left him wanting to hide.  On top of that.  I had been clueless."

            So now here is my question about this subject of dealing with difficult people in general or mostly with a difficult person.  Is that person you?  Are you the difficult person?

            Now as I consider that question personally, I think it would be good for me to just stop this devotion right here and pick another subject.  That's mainly because The Lovely Susette is so kind as to edit all my devotions for me before I put them out for publication. She is very good at spotting punctuation errors, typos, phrases or ways of saying something that could be improved on.

            TLS is also the person who lets me know when I'm being difficult to deal with, (aren't we all at one time or another) so we can work it out.  That's not to say I'm always in error with my action or attitude, but when I am perceived to be it's good to discuss where the differences lie.  Likewise, it is good for me to express my concern when I feel like there is some area in which she is being difficult. (which is not that often) Those are the kinds of things that happen in a marriage.  Now let's look at how to deal with other difficult people because there are lots of them out there, right?  If you said wrong, then this devotion probably won't be of any interest or help for you, but hopefully you'll come back next week to read the next one.

            In an article entitled: "How Smart People Handle Difficult People" on line at www.entrepreneur.com Travis Bradberry suggests:

            "Difficult people defy logic.  Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact they have on those around them, others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos, and pushing other people's buttons.

            Bradberry writes that one way to deal with complainers and negative people is to set limits.  A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem.  They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a more positive direction.

            Some suggestions from "Psychology Today" include: "First of all listen.  Don't cut them off because everyone wants to be heard.  Focus on what the other person is saying not on what you want to say next.

            Stay calm even if the situation is emotionally charged.  Monitor your breathing by trying to take some slow, deep breaths. Look for a hidden message and try to discover what the person is trying to gain or avoid. 

            Saying "I understand" usually makes the situation worse.  It's better to say "tell me more so I can understand better."

            Don't act defensively.  This is a tough one especially if you're not enjoying the fact that the other person is saying some unkind things about you.

            Don't return anger with anger.  When the session is over discharge your own stress.  Go for a run or read a book.  Do something to keep the emotions from staying stuck in your body.

            Yes, there are some difficult people out there that can't easily be avoided.  Forbes magazine points out: "Perfectionists, Control Freaks, Some Creative People, Shapers, Aggressive or Defensive people and Submissive people.

            Wow.  Is there anybody out there who is not a difficult person? This is not to say that we are all difficult all the time.  But, it helps from time to time to analyze how we are acting or reacting to situations and circumstances in our lives.  Obviously, nobody is perfect and we all want to get better and improve areas of our life that can make us a more well-rounded person.

            Our faith is often the key to this whole scenario of dealing with difficult people in a way that has a satisfying conclusion.  One in which you don't worry about it later and let it cause you stress.  And hopefully the other person rids him or herself of a stressful feeling also.  Or at least they feel better about it.

            Sarah Young writes this about your mind and His presence as a key to dealing with difficult people as well as giving you confidence that you acted in the right way.

            "Trust Him in all your thoughts.  Some are unconscious or semi-conscious and he does not hold us responsible for those.  You can direct your conscious thought much more than you realize."

            To do this and get a lot better at dealing with difficult people as well as limiting that difficult nature that the evil one tempts you to assume, Young says do this: "Practice thinking in certain ways: trusting Him, thanking Him and those thoughts will become more natural.  Reject negative or sinful thoughts as soon as you become aware of them."

            Not trying to hide negative thoughts from the Lord but leaving them with Him as you seek His guidance is the best way to get the help you need to deal with difficult people. He will direct you on which of the strategies pointed out in this devotion will fit your situation.  Or He may reveal a brand-new way of thinking about the situation.  Then dealing with the difficult person may not seem that difficult at all.

Prayer:  Lord we ask that you guide us, as believers, in the tricky business of dealing with difficult people.  Amen!

 

 

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